Feeling discouraged? When is it time to give up?

Many youth players in every sport face the moment when they are so discouraged, so frustrated that the want to give up and quit.  It is human nature.  Even the definition of insanity tells us that if we are doing the same thing over and over and expect a different result, then we are insane.

I can answer this question for the struggling youth player and parent.

The answer is simple.... when it is no longer fun.  Period.  It is very true that you only fail when you quit trying.  Sports are there for enjoyment and entertainment.  We learn life lessons from our trial and tribulations, but we also learn what we love and what we don't.

Too many youth coaches kill dreams, destroy spirits and suck the fun out of sports today.  As young as 6, we see coaches specializing and only spending their time with those above average / physically gifted players.  Why?  Because they don't want to teach... they want to coach those who can perform.  They only want to win.  (I will not beat this dead horse... just go read my other posts).

One of the best things a youth player can do is take a break.  The youth sports parent clinches to read this.  "What if little Johnny/Suzy falls behind the other 8 year olds?"  "They will never play Middle School or High School!"  "The D1 scholarship will die!"  These are a few of the lies we tell ourselves, but what about the old adage, Absence makes the heart grow fonder.  Just ask any avid golfer...a break removes the frustration and allows them to enjoy the sport again.  The same for Basketball, Baseball, Soccer, Volleyball, etc.   However, 99% percent of you know I am right and 98% of you aren't willing to take the break.

If it isn't fun for your child, why?  I have learned youth players only find the game fun when they witness themselves improve.  They can't improve if they aren't given adequate opportunity or playing time.  We as youth coaches need to embrace we are teacher first, role model second, and coach last.  Nonetheless, if they do not like the sport, then don't force it.  Let them be who they are and own their dreams.  Sports or not.

Punishing players for parent behavior.

I very recently was exposed to an anomaly.  A coach punishing a player because he was upset with the player's parent?

Now let me pause to explain that parents should let the the coaches coach (or teach...you know how I feel).  As long as the rules are clear and the opportunity is equal, the parent should be there to support their child only.  I know however there are exceptions to this and so many scenarios I could publish a chapter book.  However, let's focus.  As a coach, do you take that parent frustration out on the player?

My philosophy dictates Never..No..absolutely not for any reason. 

The only amendment to this is when selecting a team.  If you know up front that a parent will be disruptive, do not select the player.  I even say during tryouts that parent behavior during tryouts will affect player selection.  For this topic, let's stick to player/parents you have selected and made a commitment to coach/teach.

Let's face it, "Daddy Ball" as we call it in Georgia is real.  Nothing wrong with a parent who coaches their own child but the team can't revolve around them.  On the flip side, if you let all the players play through mistakes you should let the coach's child be afforded the same luxury.  I mention Daddy Ball as it is usually the primary instigator for Coach vs. Parent discussion in youth sports.

Nonetheless, keep those emotions in focus.  Personally, I allow parents to ask me anything at any time.  No 24 hour rules etc.  If you have any issue let's discuss as adults.  I have no motives or nothing to hide.  No matter the lack of respect shown or situation, I do not take my emotions out on their child.  That player is there to learn, not to be punished with less playing time, rudeness, disrespect or anything that would constitute a different set of rules.

As coaches, we should make it very clear what the rules are for playing time or anything for that fact.  Everyone is equal. If a kid isn't getting the position or playing time, they should know why.  I've never understood why coaches are hesitant in this area.  Maybe because the rules vary by player?  Not sure, but it is a horrible example to set.

Be open, be transparent.  Have one set of rules for everyone and you will have quick and easy answers for players and parents with complaints.   Keep parents separate from players.  It's that simple.

Fundamentals, Fundamentals, Fundamentals...

Is there anything more coach speak than that?  How many times have you began a basketball season to hear the "coach" (will use that title loosely) say the following:

1.  We are going to drill fundamentals!  That's it.
2.  I could care less if we win a game!

Ahh... the freshness of a new season and to hear those statements brings joy to your heart.  You think to yourself, "My son/daughter is going to learn a ton!"  Well, by the end of the season, collectively you and your child learned a lot of things.

What they really feel deep down inside is genuine, but the implementation is flawed.  They really believe they will teach the fundamentals and as long as they do that, they will win, so point #2 will never come into play.

I pose the question.. ."Why is it so hard to commit to the Fundamentals?"

I have what I believe to be the answer.  

It's simple. You will not win now.  Your kids will win later when they are not playing for you.  So why invest in people who aren't going to be loyal?

That's it.  However, I've had to become comfortable with that premise.  It was very hard, but now I am content with it.  A wise coach told me, "If you do things the right way, you will not have a team."  If I am doing things the right way, why will I not have a team?  Where is the loyalty?  Why wouldn't they want to stay and get better?

The hard truth for youth basketball is this.  Parent's care more about winning than the player.  They measure development with one key metric:  WINS!  The more you win, the better you are.  That is true.....for now.  The player who may not be a superstar now, but puts in the work, is committed to improving is the kid you want to surround yourself with.  If you as a teacher/coach take the time to invest in those kids, they will invest in you.  If you invest in a kid with a delusional parent who is above average at his/her age, they will sell you in a second to get on that winning team.  Why?  Simple really.... they want their kid to be the Star.  That cannot happen when you develop everyone and do not place the ability to win in one kid.

My plea to parents is really find a teacher (not a coach) who teaches the game.  Yes, they want to win, but understand they know it will take time.  Your child's development clock has not struck midnight yet so he/she is not a dominate 6th, 7th 8th grader.  Congratulations... you didn't peak in middle school!   Be patient... stay in that slow cooker and enjoy the results later.  Or, continue telling yourself that your phenom 6th grader is on his way to the NBA.  Your choice.  To conclude, I will leave you with some facts:

1. At the Division 1 level, 337 universities have basketball teams for men. There are 13 scholarships available per team to be divided among the players. A total of 4,381 scholarships are offered in Division 1 basketball for men.
2. The draft consists of two rounds with a total of sixty players to be selected. No player may sign with the NBA until he has been eligible for at least one draft. 

#fundamentals

Development over Winning in Youth Basketball - A definition.

It's common vernacular among coaches to hear, "I don't care if we win a game."  I understand the context which that statement is being spoken, but to be honest, it's coach speak and a lie.  Every coach cares about winning.  Winning is how coaches are judged by most people/parents, by players in outside programs and by coaches themselves.  Winning is a measurement everyone uses as a key performance indicator to some degree.

As I have grown as a coach I've been able to refocus my thinking and state this sentiment as "Development over Winning."  You are asking, what is the difference... you clearly do not put an emphasis on winning?  Let me be clear.  I care about winning... I care a lot about it.  However, what I do is set a clear goal that winning happens when we develop first.  I want parents and players to leave our program saying, "wow.. I saw myself get better."  Even when they decide to play somewhere else the next season.

If you place your time, energy and focus on developing the skills of the total player, winning happens.  You can't put your players in a microwave and have instant success.  As I read in a tweet from Sam Allen with BCB, he says you have to put your players development in a slow-cooker... let those skills develop over time.  In our program, we develop everyone.  All players will spend the majority of their time with a basketball in their hands... not running plays.  Once we develop a base level of skills, we introduce a set that compliments our team to be successful.  Playing games and running plays does not equal development.

Unfortunately, I have the learned ability to spend 30 minutes watching a practice and can tell you what the coach cares about.  I can tell during a tryout actually.  If a youth coach is spending 75% of his/her practice focused on running plays and sets, then they are putting "winning" ahead of development.  They believe positioning players and hiding certain ones will be the key to winning.  My thought is your youth team will look great running those plays missing layups and open jumpers.

If your youth team is winning (but your son is not getting better) you need to question what is going on.  Winning now teaches you absolutely nothing.  Are your wins coming as a team or coming due to 1-2 super athletic players?  Let's be honest... puberty is the great equalizer.  I've seen a 6th grade kid who has hit puberty dominate.  He was bigger, faster and stronger than most kids his age he met on the court.  Fast forward to the 8th grade where that same player is an average player or ultimately has left the game entirely as they peaked in 6th grade!  I place a tiny bit of the blame on the coach of that kid.  Why?  that coach wanted to win so badly, he/she more than likely skipped that player's development process.  A 6 foot 6th grader is playing the post... a 6' 1" 8th grader is playing guard. What usually happens is that a coach will select the most athletic kids he can find during tryouts.  The next step is to coach them (notice I didn't say teach) at their current level... much like an NBA coach, in order to dominate and win.  That's fine for adults, but horrible for youth players.

We as youth coaches have to remember that we are here to DEVELOP talent and skills.  It's our job to teach first and coach second.  Teach those kids with advanced skills at a level above their current skill level.  Push everyone.  Teach to the highest level and beyond, not to the lowest.  Development over Winning.

What happened to having fun?

As you can tell if you follow our Facebook page, I'm very passionate about youth sports.  My interest in the science behind the development process intrigues me greatly.  As a coach and director of a youth basketball program, my goal is simple.  "Help every child that comes through our program improve and fall in love with the game."  It sounds simple, but influences such as the nature of being competitive, wanting to win and parent expectations cloud that process.  I've quoted the ride to the game and the ride home as the worst experience for any youth player.  Parent's break them down before they get to a practice or game and tear down the work we've done as coaches on the way home.  I'm guilty of it, but I've learned and improved.  I recommend to our parents that the car is a safe place.  You can't talk about sports, the game or anything negative in the car.  I practice this with my own kids and our relationships have grown.

The other area is the desire to win and your very young child to play professional sports.  Think about that... who owns the dream?  You or your child?  What ever happened to having fun first?

Here is some science for you:  According to physical, psychological, and cognitive development, a child should be at least 6 years of age before participating in organized team sport, such as soccer and baseball. Further, an accurate assessment of each child’s individual sports readiness should be performed to assist in determining if a child is prepared to enroll and at which level of competition the child can successfully participate. A mismatch in sports readiness and skill development can lead to anxiety, stress, and ultimately attrition for the young athlete. For the very young “athlete”, the goals of participation are to be active, have fun, and to have a positive sport experience through learning and practice of fundamental skills. An introduction to a variety of activities has been shown to be both physically and psychologically beneficial for the youngster. Sports satisfaction surveys reveal that “having fun” is the main reason that most children like to participate in sports; however, the parents perception of why their children like to play sports is to “win”.

The Institution for the Study of Youth Sports looked at the importance of winning from the child’s perspective, and found that it varied with gender and age, but for the majority of younger children, fairness, participation, and development of skills ranked above winning. It appears that this disconnect amongst young athletes and adults may contribute to stress and unhappiness on the part of the child. Perhaps the adult interpretation of “little league” or “pee wee” sports as a mini-version of adult sports competition has led those who are involved in governing these activities down the wrong path, where winning overrides the fundamentals of youth sports.

Implementation of some of the coaching tactics that were designed for college and professional athletes, such as hard physical practices for punishment, only the best get to play, running up the score, and overplaying celebratory wins has contributed to a negative atmosphere in youth sports.

 The North Georgia Irish Basketball program is by no means perfected what the Youth Sports study has verified, but we are aware and working towards an ideal state.  Perfection does not exist but the pursuit of it does.  We are very excited to be certified by USA Basketball and look forward to developing players the right way in our corner of Georgia.